Thursday, November 29, 2007

Ice, Ice Baby!

It must be such a trial being soooo fashionable. I’m going skating with my beloved ex-colleagues next month and all I can think of is how much fun we’re going to have. Ok it’s likely one of us will end up in hospital (due to the inability to skate coupled with inebriation!), but it will be fun. In this office, however, it seems everyone has a different outlook.

One girl suggested the rest of her team all go skating as a Christmas outing. A caterwaul of screeches signalled that the other fashionistas thought this was a good idea. Until one particularly bland looking girl (you know the kind – regulation long blonde hair, skinny jeans, fancy blouse, heels) uttered the words ‘but what will we wear?’ This stopped the screeching pronto.

To cut a long story short, the idea was soon pronounced truly terrible purely because it was difficult to stay cutting edge fashionable while skating. Jeans were too boring apparently, while the discussion about what coat to wear went on for an hour (I kid you not!). At no time, did anyone talk about the practicalities of what to wear… sigh.

If you’re off skating this weekend, I suggest you go for the boring jeans, scarf and warm coat option. However, if you can’t check your fashionista tendencies in with your shoes, how about this velvet fluff skirt from TopShop. Just remember to wear big knickers in case you do reveal more than you intended.

Earmuffs, mittens and soft cashmere tights should also do the trick of making you look stylish on ice while still keeping your vital bits warm. And if you want to go that little bit further, take your inspiration from the fabulous Torvill and Dean and wear chiffon, sequins and lyrcra!

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Ugly Hetty
Thought I'd add a picture of me! Although of course it's not me as my identity may be discovered and I'll be battered to death by with a lovely pair of Laboutins by the fashionistas in my office...

Christmas is a time for… not eating

I’ve worked in the media for about eight years now so I’ve seen my share of size zero wannabes but I thought it was all a bit last year and everyone was into being healthy and fit. In fact, I was presently surprised to see that the fashion peeps on the mag were all nice normal sizes and – shock, horror – ate carbs! However, this illusion has now been shattered by the conversation I’ve just proceeded to have in the kitchen.

Mag girl: Wow, Christmas isn’t far away is it?
Me: I know! Have you done all your shopping yet?
Mag girl: Sod the shopping – I’ve only got 26 days to lose this chub (pinches invisible roll of fat). No more rubbish food for me.
Me: So what happens on Christmas Day? Do you start eating rubbish again?
Mag girl: Of course – it’s the fast before the feast

I didn't realise these fashion girls were so darn religious. Feast? Fasting? Next they’ll be sporting Jesus sandals and quoting from the bible.

Now I also realise why Mag girl always shoots me such evil looks when I walk past with my two slices of toast (what - carbs?) WITH peanut butter each morning. I’m such a sinner.

If you do want to lose weight to squeeze into that little black dress - incidentally Miss Selfridge has some gorgeous vintage LBDs - then do it like a normal person! These are my top tips…

1. Don’t gorge yourself on canapés at parties. Just because they’re tiny does not mean that you can stuff double the amount into your mouth.
2. Stick to the bubbles when drinking. Wine and beer have a load more calories - plus the cost of champers may mean you’ll drink less than normal and so consume fewer calories.
3. If all else fails, buy a pair of Spanx. If they’re good enough for the likes of Gwyneth, then they’re good enough for us mortals. And as I learnt on my wedding day, being so heavily constricted by such tough undergarments means you also eat a lot less grub. Double bonus!

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Va, va, va voom!

Let me make it clear that I’m no fashion philistine. I adore clothes and love nothing more than flicking through Vogue and ogling gorgeous shoots. Fashion can be art (just go and visit the couture exhibition at the V&A if you don’t believe me!) but it can also be ridiculously silly.

Today one of the workies turned up in an outfit that wouldn’t have looked out of place in Dynasty. A bright cerise shirt with shoulder pads and a nice satin sheen to it to be precise. Apparently, volume and in particular shoulder pads are ‘in’ this season.

Being a gay man trapped inside a female woman, I appreciate and adore Joan Collins, particularly in her Alexis Carrington phase, but I’m just not sure I could do shoulder pads. Perhaps it’s because I did them first time round? OK, I was only about 13 and teamed my heavily-enhanced-at-the-shoulder-bolero-jacket with a spotty dress and ankle socks over tights (I was nothing if not classy), but it still managed to make me look like I played American football.

It also seems to me that fashion types are just darn lazy. Every other week a craze that was previously deemed un-wearable is now the must-have. Take those smiley happy t-shirts all the nu-ravers wore this summer or cowboy boots, which have suddenly made a comeback from fashion oblivion after being spotted on the likes of la Moss and actress Rachel Bilson.

I’ve been informed TopShop will be selling clothes that contain the shoulder pad and perhaps their version will be a bit more sedate than the workies’ second hand find, but I’d err everyone to think twice before donning their Dynasty garb. What looks good on Joan rarely looks good on us mere civilians.

Monday, November 26, 2007

I'm the real Ugly Betty!

A little introduction to me and this blog…

For seven years I’ve been an entertainment journalist, working in the fields of TV, celebrity and mostly movie journalism. It’s been a great seven years. I’ve interviewed major celebrities – 50 Cent and Leonardo DiCaprio were the most memorable; been asked out by a member of a boy band and made a total idiot out of myself at a major premiere (more of that later perhaps?).

Earlier this year, while I was up at 4.30am working on the Oscars, I had that succinct feeling that I’d done it all before. It may be different movies, TV shows or celebrities making the headlines, but it’s the same thing each year, just packaged slightly differently. So that’s when I made the decision to move to fashion. At the time it seemed like a wise idea, but six months down the line I sometimes wonder if I’ve done the right thing.

Not only have I gone from something that was mostly male-dominated (movie geeks are THE geekiest), but I’m also dealing with a subject I know very little about. Of course I like to shop and I love clothes, but I now realise with abject horror that I’m surrounded with women whose sole existence is shopping and clothes. They’re also very shrieky, obsessed with boys and wear a different outfit every… single… day! Oh and I'm older by most of my colleagues by about 7 years - sigh!

While I was looking around the office the other day, the sudden realisation hit me - I am the real Ugly Betty. OK, I may not have a mouthful of metal, busy eyebrows or the inability to co-ordinate but I do feel like I’m working in a very foreign country. And so this blog was born. By recording the ridiculous, I hope to make myself feel that little bit more sane. Welcome to my slightly crazed world.